The One Year Mark - WHY NOT ME
Long over due - planned to write this during Oct 2012, which was the month that marked my exact one year mark. Better late than never, so here come my memories of the year.
As I remember during my time at GSB, some friends and alum usually made the joke "we are living on a bubble here while at b-school", "thats the best 2 years of my life", "life could only go downhill from here"... Back then, I didnt fully appreciate what it really means - as we were indeed living in a bubble of the campus life. So much that we tend to forget what reality of life is. I might dis-agree with the point that "life could only go downhill from here", or "thats the best 2 years of my life" - because otherwise the many many years ahead would look so depressing if i already hit the peak of life too soon.
That said, I think I do agree life wasnt truly real on campus - as since i came out, it has become much more real. Like a roller coaster. Like a true wheel of life. It goes down but then back up. The one year since i started my real life (after a long 5-month vacation post b-school) deserved a long reflection.
So what does this one full year mark?
1. A full-year journey of life in San Francisco. Another home for me after my many beautiful homes in Vietnam, Denmark, Palo Alto and Houston. I feel blessed for having the opportunity to live here, and to treasure what the city has to offer. Many times I walk randomly on the street by myself, i realized how lucky I am to be here. That's a privilege that I dont just take for granted. Thanks for all who give me this opportunity.
2. A year since the unfortunate nerve-cracking event happened.
A week moving into my apartment, the night after my housewarming party, we got an uninvited guest (i.e. intruder) to my apartment at 3AM. Not a pleasant experience, or not something that anybody would ever want to experience in life. The very immediate question I had for myself, "Thought this was only in TV. Why did it happen to us?". In a conversation with my friend's godmother, the master of advice, she said "Why not you?"
She is right. "Why not ME?" That truly stuck with me - and it helped me put things in perspective. For the longest period of time, I have taken for granted all the things I get. But her response made me think - i'm no different than other, and if it could happen to anybody else, it could happen to me. So, "Why NOT me?".
3. A year since my first ever rejection
As we all know, it's much better to be on the side of the table - and it's hard to really know how it made the other feel when we never experienced it. But trust me, when you are on this side - it's not pleasant. It hurts your ego (which i assume, if anything, we all have a ton). It brings you self-doubt. And it made you again ask, "Why does this happen to me?" - but then, "why NOT me"
Yet, it's one of the most humbling experience I had. It helped me understand what it feels like to be on the other side, and thus build compassion for that. And the best thing is, it build the foundation for something deeper, and more beautiful - a long-lasting friendship.
4. And a full year of my first real job post b-school. As a Management Consultant.
Going back to work is not all that bad, after a 2 year vacation living irresponsibly. Though I must admit its hard to have real deadlines that you have to be responsible for, and you face the real consequences for anything you dont do well.
But this job - it helps me grow a lot, and build a strong personality at work. Knowing this is probably not the best fit for me coming in, but i didnt expect to find myself that much dissatisfying. Lots of me and my classmates talked about it - and we can all blame on GSB, who gave us the illusion (for better or worse) that we are now so empowered to go do big great things that "change lives, change organization, change the world". And so the late nights of me building a great set of slides on a topic that i'm not too interested in - I challenged myself and wasnt sure how much impact I could make doing so... and those feelings haunt me and require lots of reflection. Not sure if i come to terms with that, but at least i managed to find the "inner peace".
One biggest lesson I got to learn - while lack of passion for a job is torturing in itself, it does bring me a greater learning experience. I learn how to make myself be more known by pushing back on the things I dont want at work.
- Be it an annoying arrogant team member who thought "he'e among the smartest of the smartest" and that drives me nut. I told my boss i couldnt work with him - and he listened and make the change for me.
- Be it a project that is perceived as extremely important for the company, and very high profile, and would likely put me on a fast track. I told my partner I cant continue with this client, because this is not what I came to consulting for. A painful battle, but at least i got what i want at the end.
- Be it a skill set I am so fed up with and dont want to do it any more - excel model. For those who know me so well, you all know i hate this. And so i told my boss, if anything, the next project you put me on, I wont do excel model again. And so far so good... no longer an excel monkey :)
- And a lot more things - so much that it seems I create a reputation for being "very cranky" at work. A good colleague of mine said this, which i find funny: "Vu, i have never seen anybody that is MOST disengaged and yet MOST productive person, like you are". Guess i should take it as a compliment, no?
And my boss once told me "I'm a bit nervous and scared to come to you and ask for something, because it might lead to a 30min debate of why i make those request, for a truly 5-min of work. And still, i might not get what i ask for". Or another boss "i try to not micro-manage everybody in the team, especially you..."
I must admit - it's a great feeling to be in a job where I dont feel the pressure to try so hard to be ranked the top, or to be a part of a fast track group. Having those pressures prevent me from creating a boundaries that work for me, because i'm constantly being pulled into those ambition. Having this little detach and a little lack of compassion, it helps build a strong personality for me at work. Might not work in the long run, but oh well, it's working now. :)
5. Saving the best for last, it's a year since VietSeed comes to full-speed operation.
If anything, VietSeed helps me balance passion at work. I once told my colleague:
- Me: you know why i might come across "cranky" at work?
- Colleague: Why?
- Me: because I dont find the right balance at work... Iimagine this, I have 24 hours a day - i spent 80% of my time working on something that i dont really care about... I then spend 10% of my time to sleep. And the other 10%, I work on something i deeply care about"
- Colleague: ...
VietSeed is that last 10% - and it's true. Another friend told me "Ironic that you find balance from your work by another work...".
Amazing year for VietSeed - we have tripled the number of students we sponsored this year - 11 last year to 35 this year. I'm extremely proud to see my team grow, they all step up to much bigger role and take leadership for the team. I'm even more proud to see our first year co-hort now mature, and experienced tremendous growth, both personally and professionally. I am proud of my sponsor community - who are deeply passionate about what we do. Not just giving our students the money, but truly give them the love. Thats the culture I want to create, a VietSeed community that is started out of a loving and caring relationship - where PEOPLE CONNECTING.
Cheers to an eventful year 2012. Ready for what comes ahead.
San Francisco, October 2011 - 2012
